Wax On, Wax Off

April 17, 2017
“Do you get waxed regularly?”
I turned around to look at her, “You want to talk about vagina maintenance while I clean out my closet?”
“It’s just…”
I lifted my right eyebrow. “What?”
“…I kinda got shamed last night.”
My face lit up, “OMG! Is your cat smelly?”
She rolled her eyes, “No! And why are you so excited to ask that?”
I shrugged, “…because if you said, “yeah” I would have started singing Phoebe’s song. Smelly cat, smelly cat what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat it’s not your fault.”
She continued, “Yesterday…well, last night I was…”
“Getting poked?”
“No.”
“Doing the boogaloo?”
She looked confused, “Doing what? Girl, shut up. And how many synonyms do you have for sex?”
I thought for a second and said, “The naked twister, juicing, 12 playing, the nasty…”
She cut me off, “…sex. It’s called sex. ANYWAYS, we were…fondling. He went to touch it and he said it was like “The Jungle Book”. Don’t look at me like that!”
I held my laughter, “Well, is it? Let me see.”
“You’re the worst.” She pulled open her light pink sweatpants.
I immediately started rapping, “I rock rough and stuff with my afro puffs.”
She closed her sweatpants while saying, “You’re childish.”
I laughed, “I’m not being childish. It does look like you’re hiding the Jackson 5 during their Motown days in your pants.”
She quipped, “If this was Twitter they would say you’re body shaming.”
I laughed, “I’m vagina hair shaming. Do you believe in waxing…or trimming?”
“I clean up the bikini line. Hairless makes me think of that bald cat.”
“…from Austin Powers?” I laughed out loud. “I’m easy. I package it the way the guy likes it. I can go from a Donna Summer to Amber Rose-bald and feel no type of way about it.”
“Ugh.”
I giggled, “If you want to look like 70s porn, cool. But hell, some people don’t want to go through the wilderness 40 days and 40 nights to get to the mountain top. Do you though.”
She thought about it for a few seconds, “Is it like getting your eyebrows waxed?”
“Yes…while getting hit by a bus.”

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