Showers Are Golden

April 24, 2017
“You ever peed on anyone?”
“Not intentionally.” I responded nonchalantly.
My friend was instantly confused. “Wait! What? How do you accid…girl what?”
“Nooo, we were in the shower and I had to pee. For a quick second, I forgot he was in there and…” I waved my hand and dismissed the story. “Why you ask?”
“Who pees in the shower?”
I instantly felt judged. “Uhhh, who doesn’t pee int he shower.”
She looked in disgust, “You’re probably that person who pees in the pool too.”
I clapped my hands with each word, “Every. body. pees. in. the. pool.” I stopped clapping and continued, ” They are lying if they say they don’t!” I thought about it for a second, “Uhhh, you’re contemplating peeing on a damn person.”
We both busted into laughter.
I stopped mid-sip and put down my Starbucks. “Who you dating The Pied Piper?”
She look confused, “Who is that?’
“R.Kelly. I need know you to know your R & B history. Anyways, I told you before when you date somebody you gotta go through their search history…and see what they are looking up on these porn sites.”
She started laughing. “You swear everybody searches porn.”
I nodded, “Everybody does. It’s a reason why the porn industry continues to thrive no matter how bad the economy is. People need a relief.” I laughed a bit and continued, “…mentally and…well, physically.”
She laughed shyly.
I shook my head. “I’m dead serious. What people watch on porn sites says a lot about what they are into and what turns them on.” I watched her chug her Mountain Dew. “Uhhh, does he know you only drink water when you’re brushing your teeth.”
She rolled her eyes, “Don’t try me.”
“I’m just saying the more junk you eat and drink the more potent your pee is.”
She rolled her eyes.
I gave her a side eye and smirked, “You’re thinking about doing it.”
She laughed a little, “No…I was just asking.”
I shook my head, “Uh, no ma’am. When you ask you want to do it…or you’re thinking about doing it. NASSSSTY.”
“If somebody searched your porn history what would they see?”
“Nothing!” I gave a Grinch worthy grin and continued, “…because I delete my search history OFTEN!”

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