March 11, 2017
“Do you think it’s you?”
I gave my friend a side eye and then a complete eye roll. She continued, “Your mom did say you made terrible decisions when it came to men.”
“Nah, ya’ll making it seem like when I’m out I point at a guy and say, “It’s him. He’ll break my heart and hurt my feelings. Let me go choose him and try and make fetch happen.”
“Maybe it’s your vibrations. You should raise them.”
I leaned back in my chair, “You know ever since you got on this wellness-self healing kick, you swear you Iyanla.
“Beloved, why the hostility?” I gave her a blank stare. She continued, “Seriously! You may be unconsciously attracting a certain type of guy.”
“I hate when people say that shit. How do I fix my unconscious, Iyanla?”
“You need to find out what’s eating you, Gilbert Grape.”
“You know the eff’d up part is I took a Buzzfeed quiz, “What character from Waiting to Exhale are you?”
I took a deep breath. “Robin. I got Robin. Do you realize that Robin was in worst shape out of all of them?”
“You think so?”
“Oh, hell yeah. Bernadine’s husband left after 11 years so you can see why she has issues in the movie. Honestly, it wasn’t much wrong with Gloria. She was trying to make Tarik a momma’s boy, but her ex-husband being gay didn’t have nothing to do with her.”
My friend shook her head, “…and she is the only that ended up with a man at the end.”
“Exactly. Savannah was kind of a mess, but that was more of her momma’s fault than anything.”
“Her momma wasn’t shit…”
“Yeah, like how your momma hook you up with the married man from the All State commercials and get mad when you don’t want to be his mistress.”
“Girl! She attracted the wrong dudes. She stayed in an entire relationship with Leon’s fine ass after she aborted his baby and moved to his city.”
“Wasn’t he married?”
“Yep, she got there and he was like “Nah, I’m not leaving my wife.” Troy wore leather in the summer and did coke.”
My friend busted into laughter. “Wait, why did you say it like coke and wearing leather in the summer time were even flaws.”
 I laughed, “I’m just saying. And then her and Michael fell out after sleeping together like once. She ended up with him though.”
“No, she didn’t. She was pregnant by Leon.”
“I read the second book. She ended up with Michael”
“So, we just need to find you, your Michael.”
“Uhhh, but can he be at least 6’4. Oh, and athletically built…and…”
She rolled her eyes, “See that’s your problem.”
“I’m literally Robin. Her opening line in the movie is “I don’t know why I always pick the wrong men to fall in love with. My weakness is pretty boys with big sticks.”
My friend shook her head, “Yeah, you’re Robin.”

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