The Business of Love

April 18, 2017

“You’ve aged out of marrying for love.” I pursed my lips up, “The hell? I’m thir-TY!” “Marriage at this point for you is a business acquisition.” I rolled my eyes, “I don’t want to look at my potential mate as a business merger.” Oh wait, this would be a great time to put my Masters in Business Management to use. A merger is when two companies join forces and become a new company. It reminds me of Jay Z and…

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Wax On, Wax Off

April 17, 2017

“Do you get waxed regularly?” I turned around to look at her, “You want to talk about vagina maintenance while I clean out my closet?” “It’s just…” I lifted my right eyebrow. “What?” “…I kinda got shamed last night.” My face lit up, “OMG! Is your cat smelly?” She rolled her eyes, “No! And why are you so excited to ask that?” I shrugged, “…because if you said, “yeah” I would have started singing Phoebe’s song. Smelly cat, smelly cat…

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The Knight

April 12, 2017

“You didn’t like him.” I gasped, “I resent that comment. I did very much like him.” “You liked the idea of it all. I saw you in love…hell, I’ve saw you in like and that wasn’t it.” I held my ground. “I did like him.” My friend was frustrated, “No! You liked the fact that somebody could come in and potentially solve all your problems. He was your Disney prince.” “Huh?” “You know a prince always comes in and saves…

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April 11, 2017

Boom! Crack! Screeeeech! We were driving like we were competing in a Nascar race.  I looked over and said, “Well damn, if I ever get a flat tire what am I going to use?” The day wasn’t supposed to end like that. We were enjoying Sunday Funday. Our normal brunch at Grand Lux, bar hopping, and great weather. Somehow it ended with a potential class A misdemeanor. She pointed, “It’s on this street.” I made a sharp left. She gazed…

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The Check Up

April 6, 2017

“OMG! He lives right around the corner. We should just drive by.” I contemplated bringing out my super powers, but thought about the last time my friend had me being the Erica Dixon to her Rasheeda. One random night she thought her then boyfriend was cheating on her. She came to this conclusion because he didn’t answer her phone calls. Mind you, it’s like 3AM. I told her he was probably you know…SLEEP. She wasn’t convinced. We hopped in the…

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Cloud 9

April 5, 2017

“Do you ever get your baggage confused with your intuition?” My friend was enamored with the 60s rack at the thrift shop. I looked over the rack, “All these clothes remind me of Diana Ross or stuff people wore at Studio 54.” She grinned like Chester the Cat, “I know. I love it!” I repeated my question, “Do you ever get your past relationship baggage confused with your intuition?” She thought for a second, “I mean…how can you get them…

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Stories Unwritten

April 4, 2017

“He be telling them hoes he love them and want to get married and they believe him #sillyrabbits” My friend was showing me her now ex-boyfriend’s baby mama’s Facebook status. I remained unfazed. A woman bragging about her “boyfriend” doing other chicks dirty never made sense to me. Let’s think about this for a second. So, this girl knows he’s out wooing and doing R.Kelly’s 12 play on other chicks, but she’s not dumb—they are? Girl bye! Nonetheless, I know…

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My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

April 3, 2017

“I don’t think we should go there. My ex-girl and her friends hang out there and she’s crazy.” I was instantly turned off. My BFF and I came to the realization a year or two ago that a guy saying his ex-girlfriend is crazy is an effort to dehumanize her and desensitize us. Immediately after she’s declared “crazy”, we think she’s a bitch. We also spend some of our free time in the mirror practicing cussing her ass out, just…

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Fake Love

March 30, 2017

I never understood the games eff boys play. I had a situation once where I told this guy because of our long distance maybe we should be in a “touch and go” situation. You know we just take our time and casually date. We knew each other, but we didn’t really know each other and four states separated us. It made sense to…well, for lack of better terms “kick it”. Nope! He wasn’t having it. He said, “I want you…

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Waiting to Exhale…and inhale and exhale again

March 29, 2017

It was like the scene from “Waiting to Exhale”. You know the one at Gloria’s birthday party when Bernadine decided to call John and deservingly cuss his ass out. Usually I would be Robin in this scenario. I would be in the background yelling. Hell, I would have dialed the number and did the talking for my friend. I wouldn’t be a Shirley for myself, but I’ll definitely Shirley a Barbara for my friends. My loyalty to them is comparable…

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