Married Dating

May 3, 2017
“You’re being judgey.”
I shook my head, “Never that.”
“You never dated a married man?”
“Yeah, but not like…recently. And when I did it was like me using him to go shopping or get a mani and pedi.”
“You were basically being a bird.”
I rolled my eyes, “I mean I didn’t want to marry the married man. It wasn’t like we were going to have a future.”
She twisted up her lips, “Uh, weren’t you dating a married man like a year or so ago?”
I blushed because I totally forgot about him. “I mean was that really dating? Plus he had a wife, but was living with his girlfriend.”
She laughed, “You were the mistress to the mistress.”
I shrugged and laughed at myself. “Well, if you put it that way.”
I was front row and center of a divorce. The first thing I learned was it’s a process. You don’t wake up on Monday and decide you don’t like your spouse and Tuesday show up to court and ask for a divorce. You spend six months to like two years beefing and then you file for separation. And then like another six months to a couple of years, you file for a divorce. I’ve always wondered when or if there was an appropriate time to date a married individual. Hell, I watched married people act like college roomies. You know the bills due on the first, don’t touch my groceries, why you turned down the AC-roommates. In short, divorces can be hideous and take forever.
“Would you actively date somebody who is legally married?”
I tried to snap my friend out of her fairy tale. “Uh, your married dude still looks very much married. I mean his wife got a whole baby in her belly.”
She rolled her eyes, “I mean in general, fool. Would you?”
“Nah, I can’t see myself planning…like a real future with somebody who is still associated with his old future.”
She busted into laughter, “Old future?”
“Yeah, shit! They were planning a future. They were living out their future. Basically you’re dating a man who’s giving you the future he promised somebody else.”
My friend looked confused, “Huh? Aren’t we all? Anybody who is a second wife is living out somebody else’s future.’
I thought for and a second and said, “Plus, I always feel like people can still get back together during the divorce process.”
“Make up your mind! You just said people fall out way before they file paperwork.”
“I did?”
She squinted her eyes, “Yes.”
“Damn! Just let married people be.” I tossed my hands up, “It’s too much.”

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  • Reply Denisse Alice May 6, 2017 at 9:57 am

    NO, NO, NO, tell your friend to let that man GO!!
    I have never dated a married man, nor am i judging. Some of my closest friends have and i see it as a to each its own type of thing. But if that lady is pregnant, shit isn’t as bad as homeboy was trying to put it out to be.

    Great Read!

    • Reply ebony May 8, 2017 at 10:30 am


      And don’t most, if not all men always say their baby moms and wives are the worst. Isn’t that apart of the game?

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