30 sucks…

March 10, 2017
**Cues the theme song from Friends**
“So no one told you life was gonna be this way (CLAP, CLAP). Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A…”
Friends tried to tell me back in the 90s. Matter of fact, once a week for 10 years, the good folks over there at NBC’s studio tried to tell me. I just sang along with the theme song, not knowing that 30 would come faster than I intended and I wouldn’t be prepared. On paper I look pretty accomplished. I graduated from Florida A & M University and went on the get a M.S. in Business Management. I decided to move to Houston, TX a few years ago for something new (and no, not Sanaa Lathan’s Something New). I was just over what I believed was a mundane life in Florida. So, I packed up my silver Honda Civic with all my belongings and headed west.
Houston has been interesting, but I’m getting that itch again. I feel like I’m not where I’m supposed to be. I feel like that Mr. Crab meme. You know the one where he looks confused and everybody around him is moving. That’s me at least twice a day. What am I doing? I should be further in life? Do I want kids? I should be married? WHY AM I NOT MARRIED? I don’t want to get married yet, I want to see the world? My day consist of myself asking myself random questions.
At 30 I pictured myself with a career ( I loved), a house somewhere in the Hollywood hills, and a husband who looked like a younger version of Chris Weber. Damn, now that I typed that it’s obvious I watch too many baby mamas and housewives’ reality shows. Any who, I just figured at 30 you would have everything figured out. The truth is I’m more confused now than I was at 18 or 25. At least at those ages being confused seems more acceptable. Or at least I think so.
I am overqualified and grossly underpaid at my full time job. When I say grossly underpaid, I think my high school allowance was more. Enter my second job as a bartender. Bartending is lucrative and the bar I work at has a clientele of middle-aged -down south- gun toting republicans who work at oil and gas companies. Can you imagine my life during the election?
Now maybe if my personal life was intact I wouldn’t be so miserable in my professional life. I’m lying, I would still hate my jobs. “You make bad choices in men.” That comment my mom made lives in the back of my mind. Right when I think I found the Darius Lovehall to my Nina Mosely, the Marcus Graham to my Angela, or the Lucky to my Justice…it turns out being the Chicago to my Iesha and we all know how that relationship ended.
It’s clearer than ever that these years are doing a 100 on the highway and they are not slowing down for me or anybody else. It feels like yesterday I was just packing up my bedroom to go off to college and now I’m adulting. Quite frankly the shit sucks. It also doesn’t help if you feel complacent with your life in all areas. So, I’m deciding to make a change. I need to find the career I want, the pay I deserve, and starting a “Say No to Eff Boys” campaign. Damnit, I just knew my life would be in order by 30.

 

 

 

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3 Comments

  • Reply Kim March 10, 2017 at 6:08 pm

    Love it! Can’t wait to read more.

  • Reply Ruthie April 24, 2017 at 10:14 am

    This is exactly how I feel at 30………. How did WE get here?!

    • Reply ebony April 24, 2017 at 10:42 am

      Girl! It literally feels like yesterday I was in college! Girl, high school. I’m looking around like this time is flying by and all I can think is “am I doing this right?”

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